Halloween is quickly approaching

Ah and I was going to delete the blog last month. Just can't bring myself to do it.

I realized that at some point along the way I've become old. I have some serious opinions about the Swiffer Sweeper...well... maybe 'old' is an STD so I couldn't really avoid it. Heh.

One of the few things that keeps me young is my avoidance of marriage and children. Someone asked me what my fantasy wedding would be like and the only thing I could come up with was "I want to be the DJ at my own wedding" The music at weddings is really awful.

Time to plug GrooveShark, a music streaming website that is awesome. Google it. You can even listen to what I am listening to by searching for Stefphanni under playlists. Spooky!

When moving from one coast of the country to the other, step one is to not get in a relationship with anyone in the place you are departing from....

...

What's step two?

I had an overwhelming sense of existential despair today... Or yesterday, or maybe in a dream I had last night. I felt really disconnected today even when I was rescued earlier from a stranger knocking on my door by a lovely telephone call and a homemade meal. I think I'm feeling the immediacy of leaving everything behind before I'm through. Like a caged animal I'm already scanning for a way out.

But I want to move to New York right? If I had only followed the steps in order...

And when I said "I want your ugly, I want your disease" I bet he didn't expect Helicobacter pylori. Hehehe oh it is a disaster. A beautiful disaster that I cannot quit. I need this.

I really really need this. It feels like home.

Better than Facebook

I was going to update my status on Facebook to say: My personal ad would include 'willing to wear spiky blond Cloud wig and leather vest while wielding his Buster Sword'. But I psyched myself out because I didn't want anyone to comment on that... and I remembered that I have a dumb blog to put this kind of crap on.

Facebook is evil. I spent a little too much time looking at past high school crushes and future potential boyfriends who won't actually be boyfriends because I don't plan on dating again until I'm in New York. A 3000 mile distance relationship is unrealistic. Plus, love ya California, but... see ya, bitch!

Anyways. Back to Cloud wigs. OH MY GOD. Nocturnal Treasures has THIRTY FIVE pages of wigs. Mostly custom and anime-inspired wigs. Outrageous. They also have Aeris and Sephiroth wigs. Can you imagine it?

Oh I can.

I can.

Putting the fantasy in Final Fantasy since 1997.

I had to Google spellcheck the German

I go to karaoke most thursdays, because it's fun, there are $2 wells, and that's just where everyone seems to go on thursdays. I sing Mein Herr from Cabaret most thursdays, with some Lady Gaga mixed in, rarely I'll do some NIN or throw down some Sean Paul to show the boys I can keep up with their white rappering.

Last night my friend, Katie (Katie 007 in my phone,... for reasons unknown) turns to me and says with her eyebrows lifted and optimistic, "Hey Steph, you should sing that song you sing... um that German one... Mein.... Kampf!"

So I told her "I would but ZERE ARE TOO MANY FACKING JEWZ IN HERE!"

hahahaha. Unfortunately my friend Sherry happens to be Jewish and she turned dramatically towards me with huge eyes, "What the f*#$ is wrong with you?"

Katie totally started it.

A minute or two later this girl (who I don't really like; she's from Utah and judges me) was trying to get the attention of one of my friends. She had her arm up and was sort of waving, but no one was paying attention. So she just had her arm suspended lamely in the air.

I couldn't help it.

"SIEG HEIL!" I saluted her and burst out laughing at my second awesome Nazi joke in a 10 minute period. Then Sherry beat me up.


Not really.

Karaoke is awesome.

Dancing with the fishes

Listening to: Lil Wayne - Exquisite (feat. Tyga & Gata)

(Joke, actually I'm watching Drinky Crow. But that was the last thing playing before I shut the music off for Drinky. I Heart. Heart. Heart Tony Millionaire.)

Studio Augenblick is at it again with Ugly Americans. SO GOOD. Why am I plugging all these cartoons? I watch too many cartoons while I drink spiked horchata and knit. Weird.

I don't like to admit what I do on a regular basis. Especially now that my drawing has been replaced by a lot of .... 3D.... mediums...

Give me a tiny animal, and I can knit the shit out of it.

(Anyways)


...

San Francisco has a museum/aquarium that turns into a nightclub on Thursdays. I haven't been yet. Please have a shark tank with D&B please please please shark taaaaaaank and club music. I will implode.

I'm excited about that. My blood is excited by it. Dancing with sharks. >.
Can we go every week?

My appetite for going out is not currently being satisfied. It's 2AM on a Monday. There isn't anything that can be done. I'm too old to have nocturnal weirdo friends (apparently). People my age are supposed to have jobs. =[

There are tiny dogs wearing rhinestone sweaters in the airport terminal. This flight must be heading to California. Ugh.

Blog-worthy

I flew into La Guardia today. I realized that it was my first time to fly into New York. The only other time I've been, we drove in and it's a lot less magical sitting in traffic for three hours as you crawl into the city. I took a city bus from the airport to Astoria, what Gogol Bordello has called a "gypsy part" of this town. And true to it's name, there was an old woman in the subway station wearing black and gold with an armfull of flowers. I gave her a crooked smile and she returned a toothy grin with a few of the teeth missing. I wouldve bought one of those flowers if she had offered. The Astonia subway station is a raised platform that rocks and sways when the subway cars pass through. Over the rooftops you can see the top of the Empire State building. It's a gritty perspective of the skyline that I shouldve taken a picture of.. But I'm always hesitant to take pictures of gritty places. As if the grit is some aesthetic amusement that I am making mine without a real appreciation that only comes from living there. Also I don't want my camera to get nicked cuz I'm acting like a tourist.

I took the subway across the river into Manhattan. Everyone is very hip looking on the subway. There's an elegance to the way people dress here. It's not grotesquely casual like California, or desperately indie like Austin, even Hong Kong is a little flashy and cheap looking by comparison. There is a grimness about the dress here.

I got off the N line at 57th st. And walked to 58th. There are shops and restaraunts and pubs and clubs all piled up on top of eachother. The hotel I'm staying in is ridiculously hip. You walk in and there's just an escalator going upwards with green glowing walls. Pulsing bass is the only sound in the escalator and in the lobby, coming from some invisible club or bar within the hotel. The hotel lady who checked me in was really nice, which came as a surprise in a town with a reputation for nasty attitudes. Now that I think about it two girls and I chased after the bus leaving from the airport to the subway. When I didn't have enough quarters for the fare, one of the girls paid for me and wouldn't take my dollar bill in return. I've had really good luck so far with people here.

No one wears uggs here. I think I might like it here after all.

St. Valentine, you cad.

It feels like I broke up with two people this week, and each made the other easier to deal with. Of course I haven't broken up with anyone for years. Kosta broke up with me, not the other way around, even though he's begging me to come back now. Heh, and he said we have nothing in common. I also have permanently dissolved the Vlad fantasy after six years of nonsense. 'Dissolved it, really?', you might ask. 'but that's the one habit you really excel at.'

Yes, yes I know. I know. But for the first time I see that I am defeated and with no strategy for victory I am forced to withdraw the troops and pull resources out of that sector of my mind. That shit is Vietnam and I'm ready to quit. Who's going to play Iraq in my tasteless extended metaphor?

Anyways...

I'm trying to be excited about New York. I want to leave and I don't want to leave. I've always relied on 'divine nonchalance', thanks to the Jejune Institute I know what to call it now... The idea that, in life, you can always close your eyes and lean back. You will inevitably be carried in the right direction. It's a frightening thing to do sometimes. And it requires that you abandon the illusion of control, which is easier said than done.

I just need to keep myself out of a relationship until July which will be difficult because I am fantastically lonely right now. And I know exactly where to find flesh for comfort. How do you refuse the food when you are starving? How do you refuse the wine? The cigarette?

Bad case of the brain worms

Listening to: The Coasters - Down in Mexico (Remastered for Grindhouse)

It's taken me 5 days to push out a day's worth of work. Bloody heatmapping. I'd bitch about how I wish I could program a better version of Maple Tree, but it would fall on deaf ears. Why is the most critical part of the dendrogram grayed out!?!!? WTF is that?

Sophia's is officially the best bar in Davis. Jim remembered my name and I haven't been there in like 2 years, and I don't care if it's just cuz he <3's Jess. I was impressed. And thai iced vanilla vodka tea. Nuff said. Nuff said. It looks like the puffer fish died tho =(

I'm going to set up 'A Blog About a Girl 3.0' soon. Bringing back my "listening to", making it not ugly..., and reposting selected old posts from the archives.


ok i'm begrudgingly getting back to work now.

Mardi Gras started early this year

... look how sad I am because I'm not in New Orleans.

O ReiLY?

I can't wait to watch the Daily Show tomorrow to hear what John Stewart was saying when fox cut awkwardly from one frame to another. That interview looked like it was edited by a drunk one-eyed six year old with a meat cleaver.

I watch fox occasionally... you know for educational purposes. See how the other half thinks. Why is everyone on that network so angry? I saw 4 people interviewed on "the no spin zone", 3 of which are conservative and the fourth being liberal John Stewart. The first 3 men are 1.) frowning 2.) yelling and 3.) using negative language. And the fourth man was too, after being on fox for longer than 5 minutes. The only things I hear on that network are hate and fear... and that the only viewers of The Daily Show are stoned losers. Which is why the host of said show is important enough to be on your big important news show! The largest majority of people who watch The Daily Show are college students, the 18-25 crowd that is taking over this country in the next generation. We're here to pick the meat from your bones, and usher in the future as we see it old man. And there will be gays in the military, and social programs, and modern infrastructure.

I'm very open minded, I try to watch multiple news channels... but ultimately I prefer to watch news anchors that exhibit the same characteristics I like in teachers. Even-spoken, even-tempered, kind-faced, offering clear & rational explanations. So that I may understand. So that I may learn. Why do we watch the news?


PS.. I watched the post-script where a body-language expert analyzed the John Stewart v O'Reilly interview. O'Reilly was like (ahem, loosely transcribed) "Yeah, so he was scared cuz you told me I was a big strong man with powerful pointy gestures, real good!" And the body-expert pointed out that Stewart was in control the entire time even though he was out of his element and being confronted. He was really on top of the interview the entire time.

Sublime Nonchalance

http://jejuneinstitute.org/

This is cooler than anything you've ever done in San Fransisco. Way too F%$#@ing cool.

Your path begins by visiting 580 California between 12 and 2pm Tuesday thru Sunday. Ask the receptionist for the Jejune Institute, and she'll direct you to the 16th floor...


... and don't look it up on Google and ruin it. The less you know, the more fun it is.

Continuation of Thought

...if skeletons are memories. and memories are dreams. and dreams are.....

......................a particular taste of melancholy.


I'm moving to New York.

I don't really want to work anymore (secretly). I want to make little cable-knit gloves and jackets and miniaturized top hats and things. And write a book about vampires that isn't about vampires. And make that steampunk Icarus shirt for Threadless before the steampunk fad explodes and Hannah Montana branded victorian exposed-gear watches are being sold at Walmart.

If you haven't seen Avatar yet, go see it multiple times. Apart from it being an excellent movie, you will also be doing your part to fund the eventual creation of a live-action Battle Angel Alita movie a la James Cameron's new swanky CGI. I want to see that movie made. And it better be rated R for Ridiculous amounts of violence. In 3D.

My posts lost continuity a long time ago. And grammar even longer ago.