I'm starting to feel more and more like damaged goods. It made me uncomfortable to read a romantic scene in a book today. That's never happened before. I feel like parts of my brain are rusting over and I don't know what to do about it.
People stare at me blankly when I try to communicate my problem. Nonchalantly they tell me I could waltz into any bar and pluck a man like fruit from low branches and devour him. Which sounds sort of sexy when I rework their words here... but regardless. This is such a silly idea. People here didn't see me in high school or middle school.... it takes an indescribable amount of will to look at people's eyes. I'm so damned afraid of people, that I have to develop a multiple personality disorder to maintain an illusion of social normalcy.
My two halves are straining against one another. One needs to be coaxed from the rafters after 3 vodka shots while the other practices the Perl programming assignments from class ..for fun.
I think I'm having an identity crisis. It's becoming difficult managing both personalities - one wakes up early for class and the other stays out til 2AM. It's wearing me out. I'm tired. God, I could use some company from that perfect dark-haired boy that's lived in my dreams for the past 3 years or so.... haven't seen him in a while.
Maybe I should try to arrange that....
zzz
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